God Gave Me Today

I drove Kate to school today.  It was in the forties this morning but today it was sunny, so I opened the sun roof and let the sun warm my face as I drove home. Most Mondays I am full of a kind of joy that is hard to express in words…everything is beautiful — the rain, the sun, dead leaves swirling in the wind, the sound of the dryer, the finger prints on the windows…  

This morning didn’t feel like that, though.

I was a big fat meanie last night. It doesn’t really matter why. I was mean. I left. I drove around the neighborhood, up and down the streets, past warmly-lit houses. I drove to the plaza and sat in the parking lot at 8:30 watching people go in and out of the store. Watching their puffs of breath in the chilly air. Wondering what they were doing there…what they were buying…where they lived…what their life was like.  Watching a stray leaf fall here and there, making its slow spiral to the ground in the lamplight.  Wondering what just happened to me. Wondering what my family was doing. Wondering if my kids were worried about where I was. Remembering things that were said to me, and things that I said. 

I went home and Ella was already asleep. Her hair was still wet from the shower. She fell asleep with a pillow over her head because Kate was vacuuming at bedtime and it was too loud. I took the pillow off, and straightened her hair out with my fingers. She always looks so little when she sleeps…she and jellycat in a tangled knot of crimson tresses and nubby fur, fleece polka dots and freckles and loved-off whiskers. She brings me to my knees, the way her face is softly illuminated by the light of the stairway every night. I sat by her for a minute, just breathing.

I am lucky. 

God gave me another day. 

God gave me today.

God Gave Me Today

What Today is Like.

It is a cold and rainy day.  Right now, though, I can see a baby blue sky through the gray clouds.  And the sun is shining on the bare redbud branches outside my window.

Poppy is attempting to drive me fully insane with her whining.  All day she whines.  All.  Day.  It used to be that she watched the squirrels on the ground as they skittered around looking for acorns in our yard.  Once they got up the trees, I guess she lost sight of them.  But now.  Now, she likes to stare at them high up in the trees.  And whine.  There is one tree that sits about 15 feet from the house, right in front of a window.  And in that tree sits a squirrel every now and then.  It sits eye level with Poppy.  It stares at us. I’m not even kidding.  It nibbles on it’s little acorns with it’s cute little hands and it’s fluffy little tail and it looks smack in our faces and Poppy goes absolutely bat-sh*t crazy.  I mean crazy like she is going to kill someone crazy.  I believe the squirrel does it on purpose.

The kids are playing here and there.  I took away the video games, ipods, computers and televisions for the rest of the day.  Too much of that goes on lately.  So they are playing with cars and apparently William is posturing in front of the mirror, talking smack to himself.  “You talkin’ to ME?” and stuff like that.  Kate thinks it’s funny.

Dinner smells good.  I made french dip sandwiches.  I’ve seen that idea around a lot lately, and figured I’d try.  Only I am attempting to go without gluten these days, so I guess I’ll just have a plate of beef.  I’ve been tired.  For about 10 years.  Not just regular tired, but crazy tired like there is something wrong with me.  I thought it was my iron level.  Nope.  Thought it was because I wasn’t getting enough sleep.  So we bought a ridiculously nice and expensive mattress and now I sink into a cloud of loveliness every night and I am still tired.  And then the headaches started.  And they got to be so bad that I couldn’t do anything but lay down and try to sleep it off.  But even that didn’t really help, except it got my mind off the tired part.  And then the mild depression started.  And the leg aches.  Aching and aching and aching.  So I decided to try to go off the gluten.  Headaches are gone.  Energy level up.  Not sad.  Legs still ache but I think that may be a function of how much I am standing all day.  Plus my shoes are awful.

So it could be in my head.  Or it could be gluten.  I miss cookies.  I miss crackers.  And bread.  Oh how I miss the bread.  I opened a bag of whole wheat rolls yesterday and the smell was absolutely intoxicating and I think I drooled.

Henry has an orthodontist appointment tomorrow.  Number three at the orthodontist.  I get a sibling discount, but I am thinking that it should be more of a buy two get one free deal for me on this.  Anyhow, that poor boy has no idea what he is in for.

Ella has ballet tomorrow.  This will be her second class.  Be still my heart.  She is seriously cute in her little leotard and tights and ballet slippers.  I even figured out how to put her hair in a ballet bun and it was precious.  She looked at herself in the mirror and when I thought she was going to smile and think how pretty she looked, what she said was “I hope no one laughs at my ears.”  I told her I loved her little ears.

David has a meeting tonight, so I will get the kids in bed and maybe I’ll finish my book.  I’m reading Crossing to Safety.  At least it will be quiet tonight.  Poppy can’t see the squirrels to whine at them once it gets dark, and I suppose they’re all in their snug little beds anyway.  I’m looking forward to it, I guess.  Getting everyone cleaned up and in their jammies…settling down to read together.  I hope it’s not a mess up there.  There is nothing that spins me out of control at 7:00pm like a few messy bedrooms.

Night-night world.

What Today is Like.


Today, March 24…

Outside my window…Sunshine.  And it’s cold. 

I am thinking…about food.  What I’m going to eat next.  I mean after I finish off the cadbury mini eggs.   

I am thankful that…Henry’s audiology appointment went well…no change in his audiogram.    

From the kitchen…Quiche and cantaloupe.  This is the best quiche–ham, bacon, spinach, mushrooms, and cheeses…YUM!  It takes some effort though, but the good thing is that the recipe makes 3 or 4 quiche. 

I am wearing…Jeans and a beige hoodie thing.  And my big honkin’ suede slip-ons because it is cold out again. 

I am creating…I actually started the book.  I did, I wrote.  And I don’t like what I wrote.  It’s not right.  But at least I got started, right?  Even if I have to restart.

I am going…to my office today…just for a pop-in.  Ella is not a fan.  Except she likes Mrs. O, who stuffs her with candy when we go.   

I am reading…Nothing. I have “A Pirate Looks at Fifty” by Jimmy Buffett all ready to go, but I just really am not interested in it.  The Man says it’s an easy read, but it doesn’t interest me.      

I am hoping…that the economy shapes up, and I mean now. 

I am hearing…The monitor.  Ella is waking up.  And it’s 9:00, woohoo!  I really should be getting started on the quiche while I have the time…   

Around the house...Well, the mulching was finished this weekend.  Sunday morning, The Man comes home from Mass feeling achey, and spent the next several hours lying there semi-lifeless.  I assumed the day would be pretty much like that.  Then around 11:00, he said, “I feel better, I’m going to go finish the mulch.”  So he did that, then he spread grass seed.  Then he put up the zip wire for the kids.  Then he came in and drank a glass of wine.  Then when I asked him to help me with Ella, because I was trying to cook supper, he said “I’m sick…”  Whaaa? 

One of my favorite things…The Man.

A few plans for the rest of the week:  Meeting Kelly for coffee.  And all the rest of the normal stuff.  You know, cleaning and such.   Was hoping to have a happy hour on Friday, but guess what?  Both of the boys have baseball Friday evening at 5:30.  Hello?  Schedule-makers, it’s the weekend.  Why oh why… 

Here is picture thought I am sharing…Oh, right, still can’t do that…