Someday she’ll know.

She was upset with my refusal to allow her to partake in one of the samples being offered at the costco.  She swore up and down that she really, really liked spicy chick peas.  I, however, remained unconvinced. 

She stopped whining as we approached the gum sample.  It’s like magic, gum is.

Upon our return home, she was hot.  I helped her take her shirt off. 

And then she was cold.  To which I said “No Ella, you’re just upset.”

To which she said “I want to watch a show” in the whiniest voice known to humankind.  And “Where’s my cats?” (Also the whiney version which sounds super adorable with her stuffy little nose.)

For awhile she sat, covered in a fluffy blanket, watching her show while I unpacked the groceries. 

“Do you like this show Mommy?”

“Yo Crazy Crazy?”

“No, it’s not Yo Crazy Crazy, it’s Yo Gabba Gabba.”

“Oh.  Sorry.”

“Do you like this show Mommy?”

“No, I don’t like it too much.”

“No Mommy, Do. You. Like. It!”

“No Ella, not really.”


Okay.  I do.  I love Yo Crazy Crazy.”

“No!  It’s not Yo Crazy Crazy!”

“Oh.  Sorry.  I love Yo Gabba Gabba.”


Though the conversation occurs in this same form nearly every single time she watches that show, it always amuses me. 

She returns to her show, and I pause from the unpacking for a moment, captured by her little voice.  I look at her.  Her wilted pigtails dangle on bare shoulders, and she grips her cats tightly under her chin.  From somewhere, sunlight bounces off her eyelashes. 

She sniffles. 

Everything about her seems so delicate, so little.  So precious.

“Ella, I love you.”

“I love you too, Mommy.”

Someday she will know how my heart simply aches with love for her. 

Someday she will pause from her work to gaze upon her child, and she will feel it, and she will understand the depth of it. 

She will understand how, sometimes, love can feel like pain, and she will know how it feels to be overcome by it. 

Just the way I am overcome by her.

Someday she’ll know.

5 thoughts on “Someday she’ll know.

  1. “love can feel like pain” – I love this. So true.

    My almost 4yo’s conversations mimic Ella’s when I say I don’t like something that he does. I read once or someone told me that developmentally they cannot fathome that someone else has a differing opinion then they do. I find this hilarious!

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