Pear. As in, maybe I should lay off the egg nog and eat more of these and perhaps I’d be less shaped like one.

Have I ever mentioned that I don’t get out much? 

Yeah.  Well, this weekend I got out.  

Did a little shopping. 

For me. 

Which I never do.  

It didn’t go so well.

Which could explain the part about how I never go shopping for me.

I was looking for jeans.  Jeans people.  It’s not that hard to find jeans.  But it is apparently hard for the jeans-maker-people to actually make them in a size that fits me. 

I walked into the GAP.  I think I tried on 20 pairs of jeans.  They had all sorts of ridiculous names…Long and lean, Essential fit, curvy flare, curvy straight, curvy bootcut, premium flare, premium skinny, etc.  And then of course the length and the wash have to be right.  Out of like 811 pairs of jeans, I found 1 pair that was what I wanted.  ONE.  And not only that, I had gone up 2 sizes.  TWO sizes folks.  Oh, the shame.

I then took my enlarged rear end to J Crew.  That was better, though they had less to choose from.  But I found one pair there, too.  And a couple of awesome graphic t-shirts.  LOVE those.  And some argyle socks.  I love a little argyle sock.   

On I went to Marshalls.  They had Lucky Brand there, but not in my size of course.  Let me just say that a 28 in one store does not equal a 28 in every store.  Why is that?  I mean, it’s a measurement.  Twenty-eight.  How can one 28 be different from another 28? 

While at the Marshalls, I found some undergarments.  It seems as though my upper half frontal area has shrunken.  Perhaps it has slid all the way down to my rear end, which has caused the enlargement down there.  I am beginning to resemble a pear.  I couldn’t make eye contact with the young man ringing up my teeny tiny purchase.  I pretended to be searching for something in my purse.   

And then I came home and took a nap, because my day was so hard.  Please write me some sympathy notes.

Your friend,

The Pear

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Pear. As in, maybe I should lay off the egg nog and eat more of these and perhaps I’d be less shaped like one.

12 thoughts on “Pear. As in, maybe I should lay off the egg nog and eat more of these and perhaps I’d be less shaped like one.

  1. 1. I disagree. Shopping for jeans sucks. Unless you know my secret.

    2. WHO SHOPS FOR JEANS POST-CHRISTMAS???? Helllllooo?

    3. The Buckle. You’ll never go anywhere else for jeans again. Do you have one? You walk in, they eye you up and start bringing you jeans. They listen to what you do and don’t like and bring you new styles and sizes accordingly. You don’t even have to leave the fitting room. Plus – you’ll walk out rockin’ a “Come on, call me a mommy blogger. I DARE you.” feeling.

    4. You’re welcome.

    5. I cannot help in the bra and swimsuit departments. This is all I got, but I PROMISE you will post about it and thank me. And you won’t be the first. (Darcie @ Such the Spot.)

    6. Again, you’re welcome.

  2. Well, if it makes you feel any better, “pear” shapes are supposed to be healthier than the other shapes. I’m not sure why. All I know is that it makes me feel better about my uber-wide hips.

    Sigh… thank goodness the Christmas cookies are finally gone!

  3. Toni :O) says:

    Okay, I was chuckling so hard because I SO am a Pear and HATE shopping…big darn time! I have almost no luck in that department and I couldn’t help but laugh about the top falling to the bottom…yes, that is my new excuse…thank you very much. I would have taken a nap as well cause I’m a major napper when the time allows…hang in there, I’d like to think, hope and pray that the older I get, the thinner I’ll get like my mom cause she’s the one that gave me the fat gene to begin with! Thanks Mom…..

  4. Um. Wait.

    What?

    YOU’RE A SIZE 28???? And you’ve gone up two sizes????? Does that mean that you were a size -0 before?

    That’s all I have to say. Except that my muffin top, just rolled over the top of my jeans while I was sitting here. And I think it made a sound…like a thud.

    P.S. I hate shopping for jeans too. Fine.

  5. Ok, I feel the need to weigh in on this.

    1. Darcie – YOU, my dear, have 4 kids. And YOU, my dear… I know what size you are. Pfft from me.

    2. Soliloquy rocked it. Shopping AFTER Christmas? No, dear. You need to stay inside and wear sweatpants for at least a month after Christmas. Seriously.

    3. I think jean shopping is almost harder than bathing suit shopping. Almost. I could have written your post. Well, except for the fancy way that you didn’t just write “jean shopping sucks.” Because I probably would have done that. But I completely feel your pain.

    4. Darcie told me about Lucky jeans – They fit better than most of the others (by fit I mean “hide my above the butt muffin top”). But I believe I might be dragging my little buy to Buckle tomorrow. Just to see what they have.

    5. One more. My size fluctuates between a 4-10. Seriously. 4. and 10. Give me a stinkin’ break. I think we should start a blog riot to get some attention to the horrible sizing issues that jeans companies have.

  6. I’m with Darcie – I’ve seen you IRL and 2 sizes is brings you just about up to normal ;)!

    Though, no one likes to go up in size, no matter what the ‘up’ is, so I’ll sympathize there.

    And really, trouble at Gap? That’s about the only place I buy jeans, no need to try them on, my size is always my size (unless it’s not and then I know the size I need b/c they are consistent).

    Though, I must find a Buckle near here – sadly, the closest is probably also the closest one to you. Sadly b/c it’s far away, not sadly that it’s near you – maybe a visit will be in order!

  7. Let me tell you that I am not a pear. Or any normal fruit. Perhaps a watermelon. Jeans? I have this one pair that I got FOREVER ago at Ross’ and the nice thing is they are so totally stretched that they are still a somewhat normal size versus the HUMUNGUS size I would need if I went today. I wear black pants every day. Even on the weekends. Clearly I am not as cool as you! : ) Glad you got some t shirts too! You are such a fab Mommy!

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