Have I ever mentioned that I don’t get out much?
Yeah. Well, this weekend I got out.
Did a little shopping.
Which I never do.
It didn’t go so well.
Which could explain the part about how I never go shopping for me.
I was looking for jeans. Jeans people. It’s not that hard to find jeans. But it is apparently hard for the jeans-maker-people to actually make them in a size that fits me.
I walked into the GAP. I think I tried on 20 pairs of jeans. They had all sorts of ridiculous names…Long and lean, Essential fit, curvy flare, curvy straight, curvy bootcut, premium flare, premium skinny, etc. And then of course the length and the wash have to be right. Out of like 811 pairs of jeans, I found 1 pair that was what I wanted. ONE. And not only that, I had gone up 2 sizes. TWO sizes folks. Oh, the shame.
I then took my enlarged rear end to J Crew. That was better, though they had less to choose from. But I found one pair there, too. And a couple of awesome graphic t-shirts. LOVE those. And some argyle socks. I love a little argyle sock.
On I went to Marshalls. They had Lucky Brand there, but not in my size of course. Let me just say that a 28 in one store does not equal a 28 in every store. Why is that? I mean, it’s a measurement. Twenty-eight. How can one 28 be different from another 28?
While at the Marshalls, I found some undergarments. It seems as though my upper half frontal area has shrunken. Perhaps it has slid all the way down to my rear end, which has caused the enlargement down there. I am beginning to resemble a pear. I couldn’t make eye contact with the young man ringing up my teeny tiny purchase. I pretended to be searching for something in my purse.
And then I came home and took a nap, because my day was so hard. Please write me some sympathy notes.