So yesterday was s.t.i.n.k.o. pretty much. I think it started off with the coffee.
We’re out of cream, so I had to drink it black. Which I can do, but I don’t prefer it. In fact, I don’t really like it at all unless it’s paired with a bowl of ice cream. Or chocolate. But I’ll drink it just to avoid the certain headache that I will get if I don’t drink it. (And yes, I know I’m an addict. Leave it.) Now that Ella drinks skim milk along with the rest of us, I can’t even use whole milk as a back-up to cream. And I ate all the ice cream, so there’s none of that, either. (Once I used cool whip as a substitute for cream…not good, just fyi. I do not believe there is anything dairy about cool whip. ((Which would explain the “nondairy topping” label I guess.)) Anyway, the cool whip melted into an oily looking substance which floated atop my coffee. So instead of black coffee, I had black coffee with oil. Which imho is decidedly worse than just plain ol’ black coffee. So I won’t be doing that again.)
After the bad coffee, we did a science experiment where I was an idiot and took a piping hot glass out of the dishwasher and put ice into it and actually said (yes I did) “I hope it doesn’t crack.” And then it cracked. So I said “wow kids, look at that, bla bla bla.” I taught them all about how to crack a glass. Enriching their lives, that’s what I do.
And then one of the children, who shall remain nameless, was a complete pill for pretty much the entire afternoon. The source of frustration? A duplo lego window. After several hours of fretting over this duplo (I do not even want to elaborate on the ridiculous nature of the problem) we tried to sit and do some enrichment activities. I told you, I am all about the enriching.
Anyway, for one of the activities, we were working with colors. Two colors to be specific, garnet and fuchsia. Which incidentally, fuchsia was misspelled as fuchisa. (I find it ironic that “enrichment activities” sent home from school for summertime fun would have misspellings in them. But anyway…) Fuchisa was humorous. For the rest of the activity, I called it fuchisa (foocheezuh). And Kate thought I was just terribly funny. But the other, aforementioned child did not. Moving right along…)
So the aforementioned child didn’t know what garnet and fuchisa were, and I wanted him to figure that out–I didn’t want to give him the answer. So being the very clever person that I am, I decided to teach them how to look a word up in the thesaurus. Oh yes, Roget’s thesaurus! I love the thesaurus, seriously. I use it nearly daily, to be honest. (I’m actually not kidding). So anyway, we couldn’t find garnet in the thesaurus, so I figured we would try fuchisa. So I go to the index. And I’m looking up fuchsia…and I get to the fu words and lo and behold what do we have but no fuchsia.
Let me tell you what they DO have, in lieu of fuchsia. They have “f*ck.” They have “a f*ck.” They have “f*cked up.” They have “f*ck off.” They have gathered together what seems to be every single variation and expression you could come up with that includes the f dash dash dash word for our reading pleasure. (Really Roget? Seriously?)
I tried to strategically place my hand over the queen mother of all cuss words, but Kate was standing there with her nose about three inches from the page all engrossed in how you look up a word (she is so much like me) and I couldn’t cover them all and I quick closed the book and said “well this thesaurus is useless.” And that was pretty much a big fat “F” in the Good Mom Department for me.
Then Ella woke up screaming which is always fun. So I drank some wine.