Yes, I mean that talk.
There I was, driving along on my way to baseball practice. Minding my own business. When all of a sudden William was overcome with the desire to know how babies are born.
Let’s just stop right there for a minute.
Because I’ve always figured that when the time came, I’d be perfectly honest and not nervous and just answer their questions.
And it’s not so much that I don’t want them to know the answers, but that I don’t want them to be those kids with all that extra “special” knowledge.
C’mon, y’all know the kids I mean. Yeah, well, apparently, I’m going to be the mother of a couple of those kids.
Moving right along…
William: “Hey Mom, do they really cut you open to get the baby out?”
Me: “Sometimes.” Please let it stop right there.
William: “Well, if they don’t cut it out, then how else do they get it out…do you throw it up?”
I got a little chuckle out of that.
We’ve been a little over-burdened with the throw-up lately.
Me: “No…it…uh…well, um…” Sweating…and also struggling with how to give him an honest answer without actually giving him an answer. Because I can just see this coming back to bite me.
Is there any other way besides the cutting and, you know, the other way?
I’ve never been very quick with the wit.
Me again: “Well, the baby just goes down and out.”
Down and out? Did I just say “down and out?” Yes I did. I even did a nice little downward hand motion to go along with it.
That would be my lack of quick-wittedness on display right there for y’all. Thank you, thank you very much.
Me: “The baby comes out of the lady’s mm-hm. Yes, I said the word. The technical term.
William and Kate, in unison: “Whaaaaaaaat? Some snorts and guffaws, and then silence. Because now it’s starting to sink in, and the visions…oh the visions they must have had in their heads at that moment.
Kate: “Isn’t it (the baby) too big to fit?”
Me: “Sometimes, but usually, when a baby is ready to come out, “it” stretches so the baby can fit.”
William: “Hey mom, is this a long drive?”
William: “Is Kate going to throw up in the back seat?”
Side note: Kate has a nasty little habit of throwing up in the car if the ride lasts longer than 20 or 30 minutes. Yes sirree, I lead a charmed life here.
William: “Like how many more minutes until we get to baseball?”
William: “How many minutes driving does it take for Kate to throw up in the car?”
And just like that the talk was over and we moved on to discuss the throw-up.
All I can say is thank you Lord, that he didn’t ask me how the baby got in there in the first place.
But I’m sure that’s coming.