Why I Can’t Sleep at Night

This is an essay entitled “Why I Can’t Sleep at Night.”  And I mean other than the baby waking, or the child who had the bad dream, or needs a drink, or has to go potty, or is throwing up in the hallway.

Imagine, my friends, the following scenario:

You’re asleep.  You’ve been asleep for about an hour.  You’re just gettin’ to the good stuff in your dreams.  You are awakened by the sound of your husband flinging back the sheets and jumping out of bed.  Then you see–through your half-opened fuzzy eyes–him swatting the back of his ear.  Somewhat like a dog might.  I don’t even remember what I said to him, but he told me there was a bug in his ear.  I looked, and there was no bug. 

He asked me to look again. No bug. 

He’s still swatting at his ear.  I think he may have knocked a screw loose.  I’m tired.  But okay, let’s go in the bathroom and have a closer look in the light. 

I’m yanking his ear all around, trying to get a good look in there.  Way down in there.  I see nothing.  No bug.  He swears there is something in there.  He says he can hear it.  Again, concerned about his sanity.  So I get this brilliant idea to take a capful of peroxide and dump it in there to flush out whatever is (not) in there. 

Fantastic.  I take out the peroxide, pour some in the cap, dump it into his ear, and oh.my.word.  Out it comes.  The spider.  There was a spider in his ear people.  A SPIDER.  IN HIS EAR.  So far down in there that it was no longer visible.   

He was afraid that it may have left something in there, like an egg sack or something.  So he took the handy dandy bulb syringe and flushed his ear out with more peroxide.  He thinks he saw a leg come out.

With the ordeal over, I crawled back in bed, pulled the sheets up (Waaaay up.  Over my ears.) and closed my eyes.  But any thoughts of me drifting back to sleep went down the drain with that spider.  I spent the remainder of the night tossing and turning and feeling like there were lots of bugs on me. 

And that, my friends, is why I can’t sleep at night.

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Why I Can’t Sleep at Night

8 thoughts on “Why I Can’t Sleep at Night

  1. citystreams says:

    EEK!! No Way. I hate spiders. And that is just like the scene from Broken Down Palace. OMG. Now I won’t be able to sleep either. (involuntary shudder)

  2. citystreams says:

    I was up until 1 am last night because of this. Finally, I went to the storage closet and dug my Old Navy ear warmers out of the winter box. I fell asleep with my ear protection on. Hubs did a double take when he saw me this morning.

  3. I abhor spiders. Detest them. I grew up in TX and slept with a bandanna over my ears and nose for YEARS for fear something would crawl in. YIKES! Until I lived here, I never knew much about spiders, but apparently they are vital to controlling the insect population. Still….eeeewwwwww.

    And bless your heart for being the Holder of the Peroxide. What we wives do…..

  4. Yeah, I can see that. EW!

    What a nightmare! I won’t be sleeping without earmuffs anymore either. What the heck did daddy longlegs want with his ear anyway?

  5. Marcy says:

    EWWWWWWWWWWW!!!! That is just not right. Ack…poor guy. Poor you. Poor me when I won’t be able to sleep tonight 😉

  6. No freaking way.

    For some reason, since my child is hanging on me and asking me what I’m reading…I read this to him. What was I thinking? He’s four. He’s going to be up all night. And so will I. 🙂

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