A November Day

I walk home from the corner on this cool morning.  Brown leaves spin and twirl and float to the ground where they crunch delightfully under my feet.  Two of the kids are on the bus, on their way to school.  Ella is still in bed, and Henry has just run outside, in his jammies, yelling to me that he finished his homework and now he’s going to play his ds.  Alrighty then. 

It is unmistakably November here in Virginia.  The gray trees painted with lichen are nearly bare now, but for those few brown leaves yet to make their breaks on the wind.  The air is cool.  The clouds are gray and low and cover our little town in a cozy fluff.  Shades of gray.  I love November.

I spend the morning cooking spaghetti sauce and meatballs.  Ella dips her egg in ketchup (ew).  She watches Monsters inc.  She loves Mike.  I know most of the lines in that movie.  She thinks it’s funny when I imitate Roz (I’m watching you Wazowski…).  I have to agree.

After breakfast, we play Caribou and go fish.  We get dressed.  We brush teeth.  I clean up the kitchen.  Contentedness fills me up.  

After lunch, Henry is off to school and Ella and I return to play.  We do puzzles and sing abc’s.  She is tired. 

So the naptime routine begins.  Close the shutters, turn on the fan, and the nightlight.  Read two books.  Olivia is her favorite these days.  She calls her “ia.”  We rock for a few minutes, and she — true to form — fights any type of snuggle I try to provide.  I sigh, and tuck her in bed. 

She delays.  She names all of her dogs.  All of her cats.  All of her babies.  The lamb.  And the bear.  I must repeat the names after her or the fussing ensues.  I realize I am enabling the behavior to continue, thank you.  I covertly remove a few of the aforementioned beings from the bed, kiss night-night, and slip out. 

This is the time of the day that is (supposed to be) my own.  A brief 90 minutes of whatever-I-want.  That usually tends to be laundry or cleaning or something of that nature, but I can do it uninterrupted and in the quiet.  Today, I planned to sit and pay the bills with a hot cup of tea and a soft, fluffy blanket.  I wanted to look out the window and into the deep of those lichen-covered trees.  You can see the landscape clearly now that the leaves have fallen…the hills and the ravines and the fallen trees.  I wanted, today, to enjoy this beautiful gray. 

Ella, unfortunately, is not having any of the nap.  The third time I go in there, I finally understand. Her nose is running.  She is a prickly mess. 

And so I scoop her up.  She says “miss you, Mommy.”  She sweeps the hair from her face, and this time she relaxes in my arms.  She drifts off to sleep so quickly that I want it to slow down.  I hold her, and I watch her sleep.  I watch her eyelids flutter, and I hear her little snuffly breaths puff in and out.  

And I love her so deeply that I can hardly stand it.

The Sounds We Hear

They bound off the bus and over to me.  The boys still fall into me as I give them hugs and plant kisses on their tousled little boys heads.  When will that end?  I wonder when will they feel too big to hug me in front of their friends…

They run all the way home…can’t slow these boys down. 

I made brownies this afternoon…the boys cannot sit still while they eat them.  Wiggling.  Kicking their feet.  Bobbing their heads.  Giggling.  I don’t understand the need for constant motion.  But now and then I like it.  Right now, I like it. 

The house is quiet.  The normal sounds…

the washing machine…

the children playing football in the basement (even though they know they’re not allowed to)  Blue 42…

and someone crying because he was playing football in the basement (even though he’s not allowed to) and ran into a wall…

Ella, taking out all of our cups and spoons for tea…

footsteps thumping up and down the stairs and through the house on hardwood floors that echo more than I ever would have imagined possible…

Ella screeching because someone took away the DS (that she’s not allowed to play with)…

little boy whispers about spying…

and complaints from little girls about little boys who are spying on them…

and laughter.  There is a lot of laughter, too. 

Those normal sounds are hushed. 

I hear instead the dreams of a little boy.  Remember when we dreamed of what we would be? 

William says

Hey Mom…  This is what I’m going to do.  I’m going to retire from football when I’m 38 and then I’m gonna be a secret agent.

Then he slips on his secret agent sunglasses (which remind me strangely of a pair that I had when I was about 15), gives me a hug, and sits down to do his homework. 

So I write, while he writes.  And I answer questions like “Hey Mom, how do you spell nocturnal?”

I hear Henry in the basement playing with his friend.  Ella sleeps upstairs.  And Kate is at Art class. 

This is just how I thought it would be–motherhood.

My life.

Monday

Well, it was a weekend full of yuck.  I felt miserable.  Luckily The Man came home early on Friday to help me make his birthday dinner.  I started on the dessert and realized that there was no way it was going to be ready to eat with our supper–it had to chill for 4 hours after cooling to room temp (which took three hours).  So we had brownie sundaes instead, and told ourselves we would eat the pumpkin cheesecake with gingersnap crust for breakfast on Saturday.  Which we did.

Then Ella threw up because I gave her a bite of shrimp and I forgot that I think she’s allergic to shrimp because she always throws up when she eats it.  Brilliant deduction, right?  So we were both up half the night with vomit and vomity laundry. 

Saturday morning the weather was gorgeous.  I went to Henry’s t-ball game (picture to follow), and felt gross.  It actually took my mind off of being sick for an hour though, watching Henry instruct each of his teammates to throw the ball to him if they got it, so that he could get an out.  He’s nothing if not confident.  Good for him.

I came home, ate some lunch and put Ella down for a nap.  Then I watched the Hokies online because the game wasn’t televised.  They won.  It wasn’t the best performance.  But they won. 

Then I took Kate to a party where they did her hair all cute and funky with twists and braids and sparkles.  And there was some blue eyeshadow involved.  A little thick, imho, but it was cute for a little girl playing dress-up.  I was exhausted.  While the party was going on, I did a little shopping.  And I coughed a lot.

Sunday morning I felt gross.  Or gross-er if that is possible.  I did some laundry, made a grocery list, hung a fall wreath and took a nap.  (It wasn’t really a nap.  It was more like rest.  And it wasn’t even very rest-y.  Because I couldn’t breathe.)

Then I went grocery shopping.  That was un-fun.  I have to do it, though, because I’m a freak about the food we buy, and I get annoyed when The Man shops because he gets the wrong stuff.  I make life so easy for myself, don’t I?

Then I came home and did more laundry and read books with Ella while The Man made supper.  We ate, showered the kids, read more books and tucked them in bed. 

I searched for about an hour on this computer for a folder of pictures that is apparently gone.  (Did I mention that I have a new computer?  Yeah.  I have a new computer.  The other one croaked.)  I read blogs and went to sleep.  

Today, I woke up with a headache.  I’m tired.  I don’t feel well.  And I have a full week of stuff to do, not the least of which is restoring a bunch of accounting programs.  Which I have been putting off because I dread it.

Before school, William argued with me about wearing a coat.  It is 52 degrees.  I said wear a sweatshirt or a light jacket.  He couldn’t find his sweatshirt.  So he had to wear a jacket.  (I guess that is another instance of how I ruin all the fun around here for him).  This was like a repeat performance of Friday morning.  Only this time I kept it together and hugged him and told him I loved him and completely ignored his anger.

Then I got home from the bus stop, and the first thing I notice is Kate’s homework folder that she was supposed to bring to school.  And I think very briefly about bringing it up to the school for her.  But then I decide that she has to take responsibility for her work.  And it makes me almost cry because she is typically so responsible.  And I think she left it out for me to sign so it’s half my fault.  But she should have completed it before this morning, 5 minutes before we’re supposed to leave. 

Now I’m sitting here, and the reality of it being laundry day creeps in and I know I have a lot of laundry to do.  The washing, the drying, the folding.  The piles of laundry everywhere.  I am swimming in the every-day mundane tasks of motherhood.  Normally, I feel joy in the mundane.  But today, it just feels overwhelming. 

Ella is beside me.  I watch her squeeze her bagel and make a complete mess of the cream cheese and think she is just the most precious thing in the entire world.  And my.heart.leaps.  Wow.  I am lucky to be her mother. 

And then Henry asks me if I want to see his muscles.  How glad I am that I am a mother of boys. 

That was what I needed.  A God-sighting.  Right there.

What Part of “It’s time to sleep” Don’t You Understand?

Just in case I ever forget what bedtime is like with a two-year-old, I compiled this lovely list of things Ella likes to do (in lieu of sleeping) at bedtime.   

Talk to Yow, the cat formerly known as Jellycat.

Rifle through her drawers for her Hokie shirt.

Get naked.

Try to get the Hokie shirt on.  Which she cannot do without getting an arm stuck in some wierd position.  Which leads to panic and shrieking. 

Poop.  (Could she not take care of this personal stuff 10 minutes before I leave the room?)

Take the cushions off the rocker and ottoman.

Lay on the floor and peek underneath the door.

Bang on the door.

Open the shutters.

Close the shutters.

Open the shutters.

Slam the shutters closed three times real fast.

Dismember her Madame Alexander dolls.  This is mildly disturbing.

Pull 50 baby wipes out of the brand new package. 

Tear each and every book she owns to shreds.  She is stealthy.  You can’t hear a thing until it’s too late.

Anything other than sleep.

Actually, it rather amuses me, these things she does.  Except for the book ripping.  Totally not amused by that.  At all. 

Oh Ella.  I’m going to miss you when you’re big.  Truly.

Bedtime

We set up the toddler bed this weekend.  I’m not sure how I feel about that.  The Man kind of took the ball and ran with the idea, and I pretty much stood there, like in one of those dreams where you’re trying to run, but your legs won’t move.  Knowing it is the right thing, but knowing what it means…the baby is gone.  The last baby is gone. 

(Of course the last time I thought that, I gave all the baby stuff away and promptly became pregnant.) 

But really this time, the last baby is gone.  Really.

So we have a toddler bed now.  And bedtime with Ella?  It’s always interesting. 

We read books together.

We snuggle.

We sing.

We kiss.  And kiss.  And kiss.

And then I say good night, and close the door.

After a couple minutes, the door handle rattles…she tries to open her door.  It’s late.  I’m exhausted.

So now, admittedly a teensy bit annoyed at her blatant disregard for the stay-in-your-bed rule, I open her door intent on plopping her right back in bed. 

I see her dolls–all of them nude and lined up on the chair. 

Her socks lay in a crumpled mess on the floor.  As does her diaper.  And her jammies. 

And then I see her, behind the door.  Completely naked. 

“Ello” she says, and then she bursts through the door and streaks down the hall, laughing and screeching and smacking her buns. 

Our laughter does nothing to discourage her, I’m sure.

I pick her up, and scold her gently for getting out of her bed.  I put on her ladybug jammies and the Hokie jersey that she simply insists on wearing to bed tonight (I can’t say I blame her–did you see that come-from-behind win against Nebraska?).  And some striped socks.  She’s two.  She has some very definite opinions on fashion.  And they’re questionable, imho.  But whatever, it looks cute on two. 

She settles into my shoulder, and we stand there, rocking back and forth.  Moments like these are fleeting, I know.

“It’s time to sleep now, Ella”  I tell her.

“Oh” she says. 

“No more getting out of bed.”

“Oh.”

“Ella, you’re my baby.” 

“Oh.”

“You’ll always be my baby.”

“Oh.”

“I love you, Ella.”

“Oh.”

 Good night baby girl.

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Her First Holy Communion

Perfect. 

Holy. 

Beautiful. 

 

For more wordless wednesday photos, visit 5 minutes for mom.

Ella

I took this photo some time ago, in January I think.  Just look at her. 

You can tell she is the youngest, because she’s still in her jammies.  And it’s past noon.  And her Mama figures we might as well be comfy if we don’t have anywhere to go. 

And there is no bow in her hair.  But that is not for lack of trying on my part.  Because you know, wearing jammies all day long is way more acceptable if your hair is coiffed with a bow.

And also, she’s wearing her snow boots.  With her jammies.  And sunglasses.  Upside down. 

She always wears her sunglasses upside down.  I never knew why.  Until one day I tried to fix them for her, and they fell right off her nose.  Her little nose is too small to hold them up unless they are upside down.

I sit here listening to her on the monitor.  Waking up.  Stretching.  Talking to her jellycat.  I wonder what she is telling him.  I can’t wait to hold her.  I can’t wait to smell her hair.   

Yesterday I wasn’t the best mother in the world.  Spent a lot of time cleaning and organizing. (Not that you can tell).  Did not spend enough time enjoying my baby girl. 

Today will be better.  

My house will be less picked up.

But my heart will be full. 

And she will know, today, how much I love her. 

Even if she throws her applesauce on the floor again.  Twice.

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For Today, January 20th

A glimpse into my day, just an ordinary day…

FOR TODAY January 20…

Outside my window…The sunrise through the trees.  Another dusting of snow on the ground.  Cold.  Really cold.  Two squirrels chasing each other on the branches of tall, tall trees…how do they not fall when they leap like that?

I am thinking…that I really want to accomplish a lot today.  I want to be busy.  And not tired. 

I am thankful for…the fact that the chili is in the crockpot.  All I have to do is cook the rice for supper.

From the kitchen…Well, that would be chili.  And more clean dishes to put away.  They are always there. 

I am wearing…A black fleece pullover.  Because I like to switch it up a bit. 

I am creating…a mental list of everything I want to get done today.

I am going…to my friend’s for coffee!  Yay! 

I am reading…Still reading Helen Over the Wall.  Half way done.  Not a lot of reading time during the day, y’all.  And at night, well, if I pick up a book, I generally fall asleep. 

I am hoping…we have a great day together.  With no fighting.  And no bumps and bruises.  And no waking the baby up during her nap. 

I am hearing…Blue’s Clues.  The DS.  The humidifier in Ella’s room on the monitor.  The fish tank bubbles.  The sound of my inner voice telling me to get off my rear and get started on that mental list before Ella wakes up. 

Around the house…The dishes, the laundry, the bathrooms, the vacuuming, the notes I need to write.  But we are warm and snug and well fed and happy(so far). 

One of my favorite things…my babies.  Still in their jammies and wrapped in fluffy blankets on the couch.

A few plans for the rest of the week:  school resumes.  A lot of cleaning.

Here is picture thought I am sharing…

I’m giving up on the snow. 

Give me some of this.

A Saturday Morning

Breakfast. 

The Man made pancakes for the children.

Drowned in syrup.  

Which just adds to the calm atmosphere around here. 

Ella dumped her plate of pancakes-drowned in syrup-on her head. 

Every time, people.  E-ver-y time.  When we will learn?

Bath.

I let her play until she began slurping the bath water.  

So gross.

That also happens e-ver-y time.   

And that was Saturday morning.