What I Would Tell Her
April 17, 2009
I heard from a friend today that she is (unexpectedly and unhappily) pregnant with her fourth child.
And I remember a time, not so long ago, when I found myself in the same position.
I worried about money, I worried about time. I worried about being exhausted all the time. I worried that I didn’t have enough sanity left within me to handle one more. I worried about my older children. I worried that I would miscarry. Again.
And this baby just wasn’t on my schedule people.
It didn’t take long for me to put the very real concerns and cares aside though, and begin to appreciate the fact that we were, indeed, going to be a family of six. For the first time in all my pregnancies, I fell deeply in love with that baby, well before she was born.
And oh, those first few days of having Ella…the smell of her…
The tiny fingers that unfurled at my touch…
The baby breath…
The absolute helplessness and the way she needed me and only me.
And as she grew, there were fat little legs
and cheeks
and feet
and hands with those dimples.
There was the first time she said Mama…
and even still, hearing her say it melts me into a puddle of mushy love for that little girl.
And there are those red gossamer curls
and those big blue eyes.
And a baby girl who is becoming a little girl
who won’t wear a bib
or a bow.
But one who likes bonnets
and clickety-clackety shoes.
A little girl who will not let me hold her hand up the stairs
or down the stairs
or in the parking lot
or in the street.
A little girl that sucks on bags of frozen peas (I have no idea…).
And calls herself “baby.”
And a child that has perfected the “camera smile.”
She has spunk, this one does.
She has me wrapped around her little finger.
I can’t imagine my life without her.
Words fall so painfully short of expressing my love for her…
I want to tell my friend that everything will be fine. In fact, it will be more than fine.
I want to tell her how much she will love her new baby.
But I know that she will find out for herself soon enough.
I am a thirty-something wife and stay-at-home mom of 4 little children. My days are filled with playdates, storybooks and homework; naptime, diapers and laundry; boo-boos, boogers, wet kisses and warm hugs. There are crumbs on the floor, and sticky fingerprints on the windows. It is a time in my life that is very challenging, but there are moments that are like epiphanies in which I see very clearly just how beautiful my life is.
April 17, 2009 at 4:25 pm
What a refreshing perspective! I have all of those same worries that you mentioned earlier. And we aren’t even pregnant!
)
April 17, 2009 at 4:56 pm
you can just smell peaches and roses and fresh cut green grass coming through that photo. she is sunshine, that Ella. all of your children are. have a great weekend!
April 17, 2009 at 6:00 pm
That’s how I felt when I found out I was pregnant with #3. And now…well, I can’t imagine life without my baby boy (not so baby anymore). Beautiful post. Tell her it will be ok.
April 17, 2009 at 10:23 pm
Wow…beautiful post as always….I’m with the others….I am often amazed at how busy I am with two that it’s difficult for me to imagine having more than that and I feel so grateful for the two I’ve been blessed with. However, it’s in God’s hands that he has given your friend this fourth miracle child…He never gives us more than we can handle and please tell her to be grateful as difficult as that may be to hear. I have a very sweet coworker who has been struggling with infertility for three years with her husband and she just had her first failed IVF treatment. She’s on round two…insurance only pays for three. I’m continuing to pray for them and be hopeful. I’m sure your friend will see the joy in it all once she sees that beautiful tiny face…they truly are so precious and a true gift. Have a glorious weekend Kristen and thanks for another terrific perspective on life!
April 18, 2009 at 6:01 am
This. is. beautiful. I have no more words to add.
April 18, 2009 at 10:43 am
I felt that way with 3 AND 4. It was a mystery to us how either one was conceived (my husband jokingly requested a paternity test!) and as you said, it was not on my schedule at all. Either time. But God does work these things out and to imagine our family without 3 and 4 is unthinkable. With number 4 I was near 9 months before I was really okay though. It was very, very difficult. I had many people praying for us though.
God doesn’t just know what we can handle, He knows what we need and what’s best for us. We have to learn to trust Him. It’s all we can do.
April 18, 2009 at 12:47 pm
Ella is beautiful. <3
That’s how I felt about baby #2 (now 2.5). My oldest daughter seemed like she came for other people, if that makes sense. Other people needed her (my Mom, my MIL). But baby #2 was just for me. She came only to make me happy.
April 18, 2009 at 7:19 pm
Beautiful words.
I wish you friend joy…
it will come.
Julie
April 19, 2009 at 2:11 pm
Oh Kristen…now you’ve done it. I am beside myself with the fear that I’m missing out on something by not having a fourth child! What to do? What to do? LOL! You are the most fantastic writer, when is that book coming out???
April 19, 2009 at 10:23 pm
Kristen, I really hope that our dear friend reads this. I definately do not want a 3rd, however, after reading your thoughts and feelings, I could almost be convinced to do it!!!
Like Erika said, when is that book coming out?
It’s been a long time, friend!! Take care!
April 20, 2009 at 12:10 pm
Kristen,
beautifully put. You are so good at articulating your emotions and I’m sure your friend’s worries are being put to rest slowly but surely!
April 20, 2009 at 8:58 pm
Yep. You can’t tell someone that. They have to come to that conclusion on their own. I felt that way when I got pg with #3. But oh how I adore that child!
April 21, 2009 at 5:22 pm
This made me want one more than ever. Can you talk to Gary? Ok, thanks : ).
April 22, 2009 at 12:47 pm
What a sweet post! Your kids are going to love these posts when they are older!