The First Date

Twenty one years ago on this day, I sat in the front passenger seat of my high school sweetheart’s car, after our first date. 

I don’t remember anything about that date, other than that we went to a high school basketball game. 

And that I paid my own way. 

And that is the last time that ever happened, thankyouverymuch because I set him straight let me tell you what. 

And at the end of that first date, he slapped me on the knee and said, “I had fun” or something profound like that.  And there was that awkward pause…um…okay…so I slapped him on the knee and I got out of the car. 

And that was it for me…I was madly in love (hey I was only 16).

Who would have thought that after 21 years, I’d still be sitting right here next to that boy. 

I love you David Paul.

The Fourth Child

The fourth child is different. 

She is a free spirit, this one is. 

She is often defiant. 

She will not sit still for a haircut, a toothbrush or nailclipping.  And you can forget nail polish. 

She loves to take a bath, but hates to be washed.  “Fight the towel” is her motto. 

She is not dainty.  But she likes to have tea. 

She likes sparkley things, and babydolls and puppies.  And jellycat.

The fourth child hates to have her hair brushed.  She is not amused by the pigtails.  And she doesn’t always keep her bows in.  Actually, she never keeps her bows in. 

She is often half-dressed.  Because she won’t wear a bib.  And she has not quite refined her eating skills yet.  And therefore she is often stained.  Or shirtless.  Because her mom figures if she puts another clean shirt on her, well, that’s just more laundry to do.

The fourth child has spent a lot of time in her jammies.  All day.  Sometimes for two or three days in a row, ahem.  

The fourth child won’t leave her shoes on.  And her socks…her socks are always half on.  Flopping around off the tips of her toes.  And she seems content that way.

The fourth child doesn’t talk much.  But she is loud.  And she is heard.  She has to be, or she’d get lost in the shuffle. 

She has a guardian angel that works overtime.  You know, to keep her from falling off the top bunk if she were to hypothetically scale the ladder or something. 

She often appears a mess.  But this one has an air of confidence and independence unlike the others.

She refers to herself as “bebe.”  Even though she is almost two.  But she’s right.  She’ll always be the baby. 

The fourth child loves kisses.  But not hugs so much.  Maybe her mom is hugging her a little too much.  Maybe her mom should get a life.  Ahem.

She is adored by her brothers and her sister. 

And the fourth child is loved every little bit as much as the first or the second, or the third. 

The fourth child completes us.

Today

February 24…

Outside my window…Bright beautiful sunshine.  

I am thinking…wow.  nothing is coming to mind.  How’s that for dull?

I am thankful that…I am small enough to fit into my sister’s hand-me-downs.  Because she buys some nice stuff.  And then never wears it.  And then gives it to me.  I heart her.   

From the kitchen…Buffalo chicken chili.  Thanks Jenny!  (And Rachel Ray.)    

I am wearing…Jeans and a handknit sweater.   

I am creating…pretty much nothing right now.

I am going…crazy, want to come?

I am reading…Oh, you’re going to love this…I am reading “Turn up the Wick.”  It’s a book about the Hokies head football coach Frank Beamer.  I picked this book up to fill the gaps between my “real reads.”   

I am hoping…that I am prepared for this dumb audit coming up next week.

I am hearing…The dryer, and Henry ask me every five minutes if quiet time is over.  And the answer to that is no.

Around the house...need to finish painting the basement.  Actually The Man needs to finish that. 

One of my favorite things…the sun coming through the shutters.  It falls on one of my orchids which is about to bloom. 

A few plans for the rest of the week:  I am actually going to try to take Ella to mass tomorrow.  I wonder how long I’ll be in there.  Thursday is coffee with Marcy! 

Here is picture thought I am sharing…

It’s Fat Tuesday people…what are you eating???

My Life in Dribbles

Because I don’t have a lot going on besides dribbles.  First, here are a couple gems from Kate:

-when I told her to try not to get ketchup (catsup?-which is correct???  whatever…) on her clothes, because that just makes more work for me, she said, and I quote, “at least they invented washing machines.”  Mm-hm.  And I can’t wait to teach her how to use it.

-I didn’t hear the entire conversation, just this little zinger at the end:  ”Yeah, ’cause Mommy is WAY smarter than Daddy.”  Finally someone around here gets it.

***

Fat Tuesday is tomorrow.  Which means Lent begins Wednesday.  Which means I need to make my annual attempt at denying myself some little pleasure.  A couple months ago, I figured I’d give up the wine.  And now, I’m thinking there is a snowballs chance in you-know-where that I’m going to be giving up the wine.  The flesh is weak.  Very, very weak.

***

Cherry twizzlers taste like cough medicine.  I bought some the other day so we could eat them during our family movie night.  And I decided later in the day that I needed one.  So I tore open the package, and took a bite and seriously, it felt like I was chewing on congealed robitussin.  Disappointing.  Very.Disappointing.

***

Ella ate 1/3 can of beets the other day.  I ate the other 2/3.  Because they.are.so.good.  

*** 

Why do I spend so much time thinking and talking about food?

***

I watched this movie on Lifetime last night.  Stephanie Daley it was called.  I don’t know if I have ever seen a more disturbing movie on television.  It was just bizarre on a whole lotta levels.  Not a good movie to entertain yourself with right before beddybye. 

***

Finally, here is my entry for the B&W I heart faces contest this week…

   

Go to I heart faces to see more entries.

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For Today

A glimpse into my day, just an ordinary day…

FOR TODAY February 17…

Outside my window…Bright beautiful sunshine.  And robins.

I am thinking…about how happy I am.  And how the troubles of yesterday seem like a distant memory.

I am thankful that…sadness fades quickly around here. 

From the kitchen…roast chicken, brussels sprouts in tarragon mustard sauce, couscous.    

I am wearing…Aha!  Not fleece! 

I am creating…something for my Dad.  I’ll show you when I’m finished… 

I am going…Nowhere at all.  I love days spent in this house, with my baby girl. 

I am reading…To Kill a Mockingbird.  Nearly finished.  Every day I have a list of things to do, and every day, reading is on that list, and it is what I look forward to the most.  But every day it also seems to be the thing I find the least time for.

I am hoping…that the chicken hurries up and thaws out.

I am hearing…The dryer, and the washer, and Ella say “MMMmmm.”  She’s sitting next to me eating cheerios.  I am also hearing the sound of cheerios hitting the floor.   I think she’s actually doing a less eating and a little more scattering of the cheerios.

Around the house…Laundry, ironing, cleaning.

One of my favorite things…herb pots.  I can’t wait to get them started next month.  I can’t have a full-blown herb garden because of the deer and other wild creatures…so I keep herbs on the deck.  I use them all spring, summer and fall.  LOVE fresh herbs.

A few plans for the rest of the week:  Just the day to day. 

Here is picture thought I am sharing…

Edited this the other day.  I love how it turned out.

Sometimes

Several  years ago, I sat with him and together we worked on a preschool project.  We were constructing a “family pennant.”  It was to be a display of his family.  We carefully went through old photos, and we cut out the members of our family and he glued them on his pennant.  When he said he was finished, I told him that “someone was missing.”  I figured he just forgot.  But he said, “I know, but there isn’t enough room for you, Mommy.”  Even the dogs–one of whom was deceased–made an appearance on the pennant.  In his eyes, I was the most disposable member of the family.  I simply said, “okay” and slipped into the laundry room where I silently fell apart.  I’ll never forget those words…there’s not enough room for you Mommy…

This morning, he handed his dad a Valentine’s Day card.  One that he made at school yesterday.  And he said “I forgot to put Mommy’s name on it.”  And inside the card I could see where he erased what he had originally written, and wrote in my name, too.  His card was meant for Daddy.  He wrote inside “You are the best Dad in the [whole] wide world.”  I’m sure his teacher, or one of the “good moms” at the school noticed he had forgotten to add my name and had him correct it. 

And again I sat this morning, silently shattered by this Valentine’s Day card that forgot me.  And I wondered why I haven’t yet earned his love.

I have made my entire life about him and his brother and his sisters.  I have  given up every little part of the person I used to be, and I am now their mommy.  I wanted that with all my heart.  I have everything I ever wanted, but sometimes it doesn’t feel like I thought it would.

Sometimes, it is hard. 

Sometimes, it hurts.  Sometimes, the weight of my heart is such that I find it difficult to breathe. 

Sometimes, I cry myself to sleep because the day was so damned hard.

Sometimes, I am not the mother I dreamed I would be. 

Sometimes, I am tired.  Sometimes, exhausted.

Sometimes, I feel heartbroken.

Sometimes, I feel like I am failing in everything I do.

Sometimes, I fear that there will never, ever be enough room for me.

Blank

There is just nothing left in my head after three days heavy on accounting.  I don’t know how people do this for a living.  I really don’t.  My mind is numb after a couple hours.  Let me tell you a fun little story. Imagine me, waking up this morning all happy and fresh and ready to go, grabbing my coffee, and hopping onto my computer.  And trying to open the document I worked on for hours the previous day, and I can’t find it.  Because apparently I didn’t save it.  Or I saved it in some wierd file that I cannot find.  And it is the absolute worst part of the accounting process…the internal controls part.  In a word…sucky.  And I had to do it over.  All over people.    Four more hours of documenting our internal controls. 

***

This weekend was so beautiful I actually contemplated the idea of running.  I mean like for exercise.  

Me:  Kate, I think I might start running.

Kate:  YOU?

Me:  Yeah, me, why not? 

Kate:  Well, um, it just doesn’t really seem like you.

Yeah, she’s right.  I’m just going to go back to cookies.  They’re more like me.

***

Later in the day, Kate and I had a conversation about the temperature, and how men always seem to be warmer than women.  I asked her why she thought that was, and she said maybe because men are more active.  “You know, Daddy is always outside and doing stuff, and you are always inside.”  Mm-hm.

“And what do you think I do in there all day?” 

“You know, you’re just kind of still, and doing work on your computer.”  Mm-hm.

And the laundry just magically does itself, the supper is prepared by the phantom chef, the groceries are purchased with my personal assistant and the nanny chases Ella all day long.  Among all the other stuff I don’t do.  Because I need to be still. 

***

Having dreams about blog friends.  Nothing wierd.  Just normal.  Like we’re having coffee or something.  Or squeezing key limes.  Darcie, I had a dream that I bought a bag of those key limes, and you wouldn’t believe the amount of juice that came out of one of those teeny tiny little limes.  And I actually thought, in my dream, “I’m going to have to tell Darcie about this.”   

I wonder why people buy those key limes…are they better?  I mean, because they are SMALL.  And I’m just thinking it would take a lot of them make any measurable amount of liquid.

***

Henry has learned how to skip.  He is the first one of the kids to learn how to skip before kindergarten.  A little triumph for him.  The children are always assessed for skipping in kindergarten.  Apparently there is some correlation between the ability to skip and the ability to read.  Or something.  I don’t know.  Anyway, there has been no correlation so far in my home with skipping and reading.  Both Kate and William learned to read WELL before learning to skip.  In fact, I don’t even know if William can skip yet.  I haven’t checked his skipping skills lately.  And Henry can skip, but not read.  So there you have it.  The theory of skip-readability has been disproven.   You’re welcome.

***

Want to know what song I’m singin’ in my little head today?  Crunchy, Munchy Honey Cakes.  You’re welcome.  There has been a steady stream of Wiggles tunes penetrating the solitude around here since The Man is home all week on his funlough.  Who really says muslix flakes anyway?  Is there such a think as muslix flakes?  I mean other than the cereal?  Can you just go and buy muslix flakes to use in your cooking?

Alrighty.  TTFN.  Crunchy munchy honey cakes…crunchy munchy honey cakes…crunchy munchy honey cakes…crunchy munchy honey cakes… 

For Today

A glimpse into my day, just an ordinary day…

FOR TODAY February 10…

Outside my window…a chilly morning, but we will be blessed with another relatively warm winter day today.

I am thinking…about everything I seem to be doing wrong.

I am thankful for…the fact that The Man’s furlough is allowing me to work on accounting.  It is the silver lining.  We’ve decided to call it a “funlough.”  Although so far, it hasn’t been very much fun.  I mean accounting.  That’s just not fun people.

From the kitchen…beef with barley soup, and ciabatta.    

I am wearing…Take a wild guess.

I am creating…valentine’s with the kids.  Two of them love it.  One of them, who shall remain nameless, finds the activity to be rather dull and annoying. 

I am going…insane with all these numbers.  And to the party store for plates for the kids’ school Valentine’s Day parties.

I am reading…To Kill a Mockingbird.  Still good.  Really, really good.

I am hoping…to get a lot done today.  Yesterday I worked for 8 hours.  Got very little else done. 

I am hearing…Ella and her Daddy.  The Man is singing Wiggles songs.  This is moderately disturbing.

Around the house…Lots to clean.  What else is new.   

One of my favorite things…a picture of Coco that sits on my desk.  I was missing him yesterday.  I miss him right now. 

A few plans for the rest of the week:  accounting.  Oh, and I’ll probably do some accounting. 

Here is picture thought I am sharing…

The Man said he saw Roxanne and her male around the birdhouse the other day.  Spring must be near.

Snow Picture